http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/ All the latest noodles of knowledge from the frictionless man blog en-gb Sun, 19 Nov 2007 00:10:00 GMT 14, 11 November 2008 12:50:7 info@frictionlessman.co.uk info@frictionlessman.co.uk http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/Only-a-mood-train-for-the-blue-kids.aspx Right then. This would be the best place for a blog, don’t you think? Welcome to the continuing story of the Frictionless Man, or Frictionless Blog II: Lethal Death by Deadly Venom, to give it its full and strictly provisional title. 2/12/2007 10:38:59 PM 24 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/Lazy-house-what-a-lazy-house-we-is.aspx Rhys has asked me to submit a short story to a Welsh Fantasy compendium. He has already put my name forward to the publisher, so I thought I might as well. I looked through some older stuff I had done, but due to it being really not that good I 2/14/2007 10:39:21 PM 25 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/Yes-but-your-beard!.aspx Music moves on apace. We did some good rehearsal this weekend in preparation for the gig on Thursday. We’re not sure what is going on at the moment, we may in fact be headlining, but I’ll keep you posted. I have been exploring the powers of my 2/19/2007 10:39:42 PM 26 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/I-passed-a-cow-and-the-cow-was-brown.aspx No gig tomorrow night, unfortunately King of Despair had to cancel and we did not feel like topping the bill in the Tavern. It’s a daunting place and can be pretty demoralising to play, especially when there are only two of you. Support slots a 2/21/2007 10:40:04 PM 27 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/Fork-handles-No-fork-handles.aspx Everyone is leaving their mark these days. One day we will all have our own chat shows on our own televison channels, or maybe we will all be starring in our own one person reality game show, in which contestants watch other one person reality 2/23/2007 10:43:05 PM 28 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/Whip-it-on-me-Jim.aspx There is definitely some Spring out there. I can smell it on the breeze. As a result I am feeling full of energy and the need to do something really good. Hopefully we are going to the open mic night in the New York tonight, so maybe I will get 2/26/2007 10:43:30 PM 29 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/Happy-Smile-Fun-time-Hang-Man-Play-Set.aspx There has been a landslide on the bicycle path which I walk along to work. It is quite an impressive sight, about three tons of earth has fallen away from the steeply cut side that forms a wall over 20 feet high that runs down the side of it. S 3/1/2007 10:43:50 PM 30 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/Blue-blue-electric-blue.aspx We finally took our first step into the potent addiction that is home recording yesterday. I have finally amassed all of the adaptors and little plugs that I need and yesterday saw everything plugged in, annoying hums minimised and the show pla 3/7/2007 10:44:08 PM 31 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/We-all-wondered-will-it-go-And-yes-it-would-go.aspx Gig. Geeeg. Gweeeg. We did another one. I don't know what the hell it sounded like, but I think that we strummed, plucked, thumped and bellowed our bits in the right places and "All my life I give you nothing you want more" involved an actual s 3/9/2007 10:48:27 PM 33 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/Give-me-guff-rage-and-a-clattering-fuck.aspx No updates here because I have been a poorly bunny and not in any mood to type stuff. I have been hacking up green goo all week and shaking and moaning and being generally malingering. But now I am all better and as part of my convalescence I h 3/19/2007 10:49:22 PM 34 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/Defeated-By-the-Slow-Goat-Palm.aspx I'm a bit hyped up on coffee, post illness mania and sunshine this morning. I seem to getting a lot done and this thing I am getting done is actually what I am supposed to be doing. Tomorrow morning I am taking some tests for my ECDL (European 3/21/2007 10:50:00 PM 35 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/Jerry-Hall-saw-Bryan-Ferrys-bum.aspx Tried putting some vocals down on Wednesday night; nearly died. I got through one take and listening back thought it sounded really very shouty so I tired again and then this old man with a cough hacking enough to fell an oak came in and took o 3/23/2007 10:50:55 PM 36 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/One-more-butterfly-to-break-on-the-wheeeeehoool.aspx Spring = sprung! Fontoshtic. We spent a weekend squandering the sunshine and skulking around the house, although it was gratifying to see washing on the line blowing in the sunshine after so many many cold days of grey and gloom. Problem is, wh 3/26/2007 10:51:44 PM 37 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/I-dont-dislike-them-But-they-irritate-me-Woooooaaaaooooaaaooo.aspx This morning has been really quite lovely, but now I feel sick. It is a wonderful spring morning and I did not wear a jacket to work. It is days like these that make life good. I did some more vocals yesterday and they are sounding better. They 3/28/2007 10:52:07 PM 38 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/Funny-clench-of-the-green-vine.aspx Still working on the song. There are some rather irritating things which keep cropping up, such as strange hisses that only seem to appear occasionally. We plugged Monica's bass amp directly into the computer and got a killer bass sound with ve 3/30/2007 10:52:33 PM 39 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/A-little-suffering.aspx Oddly enough I seem to have taken an inadvertent holiday from this here blogomophone. I think it may well be because I have become too boring for typing. All I do is whistle and fart. 4/12/2007 10:53:46 PM 40 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/You-guys-have-done-a-great-jeeeoorrrb.aspx We're in for a heat wave. No slow escalation of temperature for we British, just a big old slab of hot. They'll be a whinging in the valleys tonight Dai. I love the hot, but I hate the hot people who carp on about it being too hot. I hate them 4/13/2007 10:54:33 PM 41 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/Goddamn-Flappers.aspx Monica has been composing her bass line to Little bits of nothing all weekend and crikey it’s sounding good. It is the colour of mahogany and smells of coffee beans and treacle. I had a listen to one of her earlier versions an 4/16/2007 10:55:21 PM 42 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/Hateful-hat-of-levity.aspx The impotent rage of the silent musician! I have been reading an article about how retro and conservative the current British music scene is. Yes it is and most of it is drivel. I would like to say that our music is new and modern, but I don't 4/20/2007 10:59:53 PM 43 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/If-I-were-Chaim-Topol-Ya-ha-deedle-deedle-bubba-bubba-deedle.aspx Local elections are on the way and so far the BNP have done more to secure my vote than anyone else, since they have put two leaflets through the door in the last six months, a feat unmatched by any other polictical party in the area. Disgustin 7/30/2007 11:00:28 PM 44 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/Take-it-to-the-taxman.aspx Well, the elections have happened, we made our mark and there was no change in our neck of the woods although Labour had a bad night of it. After I had cast my vote I did ponder whether I had done the right thing and whether I had voted for the 5/4/2007 11:00:55 PM 45 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/Cant-even-get-away-with-petty-theft-in-the-office-these-days.aspx King Frictionless on the toilet. 5/9/2007 11:01:25 PM 46 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/Juan-dances-at-Chicos.aspx On this day in history Priminister Tony Blair announced his resignation. 5/10/2007 11:02:01 PM 47 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/Leave-before-you-wither-my-carnation.aspx Weekend safely stored in the packet marked “history”. The Eurovision Song Contest seems to have become very grumpy and dramatic, with a lot of gurning and emoting going on. We liked Hungary and I thought Georgia sounded like a bad Bond theme fr 5/14/2007 11:02:28 PM 48 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/Like-an-atom-bomb-Bang.aspx He's cheerful. Gawd 'elp us. 5/16/2007 11:03:29 PM 49 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/I-like-the-sound-of-the-vacuum-cleaner.aspx Criggey. What a week that was that week what just was. Two gigs; Anthony Bunkham’s 50th birthday party; playing bass with the Rag Foundation for the first time since 1872; too much to drink, not enough sleep and a hell of headache. On the whole 5/23/2007 11:03:51 PM 50 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/Brigadier-General-Puddings-Choco-Fudge-Treat.aspx Had sausages. Yum. 5/25/2007 11:04:53 PM 51 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/Fragrance.aspx Niven and Hurt felt like a pint of fizzy pop. 6/1/2007 11:05:19 PM 52 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/Up-yours-Palpatine.aspx Join Suki and Ned for the Bran Whore Laugh in, sponsored by Heavy Load Male Nappies, Prepare for Hell Camping Supplies and Ned Kelly's Anorexic Spam Handles. 6/4/2007 11:05:46 PM 53 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/I-saw-a-picture-of-a-lady-having-a-wee.aspx Rossiter's got Collins pissed and he's all hands. 6/8/2007 11:06:05 PM 54 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/Joan-Collins-in-Man-on-a-Swing.aspx Writing sex cheques your cock can't cash. 6/13/2007 11:07:21 PM 55 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/Bad-mans-bad-pink-eye.aspx Well groomed sailors. 6/15/2007 11:07:43 PM 56 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/These-is-meeorly-an-iwusssion.aspx Who’s my Prime Minister now? Is it June already? Who saw where the bus went? I’m ok as long as I’m eating toast! 6/27/2007 11:08:09 PM 57 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/Three-Legged-Dogs-Vs-Four-Foot-Logs.aspx Kennedy. Woo? Chocolate. Woo woo? Glass of wine. Wooo woo woo? 6/29/2007 11:08:36 PM 58 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/Mind-like-a-sewer-heart-like-a-fridge.aspx You go shanna shanna shanna, we go shoop shoopa shoop shoop. You make the ham sandwiches, we'll make the cucumber ones. You bowl, we'll field. You stick, we'll twist. You need a new shed? We need a new porch! 7/6/2007 11:09:04 PM 59 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/Like-a-Guitar-Army.aspx Bwang, bwang bwang bwang bwang. Ciao! 7/11/2007 11:09:26 PM 60 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/Shovel-pat-pat-pat-pat.aspx You look like a grapefruit to meeeeeeeee! 7/11/2007 11:10:08 PM 61 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/How-we-sobbed-to-Mitchell-by-the-Twisted-Ficus.aspx Suck a "boiled" sweet or sip hot "hot & lemon" driks. This will give temporary relief. 7/16/2007 11:11:22 PM 62 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/Give-it-me-Greaser.aspx Lovely fruit sicky burps. 7/17/2007 11:11:43 PM 63 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/To-be-sure-a-selection-of-gewgaws-on-chipolatas.aspx B’aint be roight, you shouldn’t be feedin’ it. 7/20/2007 11:12:06 PM 64 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/I-suck-my-hair-for-the-juice.aspx Christ flavoured crisps. 8/3/2007 11:13:45 PM 65 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/I-made-it-from-spit-and-driftwood-2.aspx Goodness, all that for one man? 3/17/2008 6:04:10 PM 70 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/Boat-cheese-ham-gala.aspx Sexy meat letters. 3/17/2008 6:06:04 PM 71 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/Max-Spelonquer’s-Fast-Money-Fist-Game.aspx Make myself a latté. 3/17/2008 6:07:27 PM 72 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/Crab-Horn.aspx Not at home to Mr Stinky. 3/17/2008 6:11:10 PM 73 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/Got-a-roast-beef-So-nourishing.aspx Mad Duke ducking. 3/17/2008 6:14:46 PM 74 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/Sensitive-shins.aspx Of very little importance. 3/17/2008 6:15:24 PM 75 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/No-more-be-looser-lady-love-this-real-Men.aspx Apple! King of the Juice! 3/17/2008 6:16:12 PM 76 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/She-gotta-bake-them-suicide-scones.aspx Hi! How are you? I'm Doctor Spew. 3/19/2008 7:16:48 PM 77 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/The-buggers-have-already-been-fed.aspx Say what you will, those bees will KILL! 3/25/2008 7:44:49 PM 78 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/Larks-Hinge-Biscuit.aspx For the relief of hefty slops. 4/6/2008 10:08:54 PM 79 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/Grim-Harking-of-Delia.aspx Leave it blank. Play the note. Do a dance. Lose your clothes. 4/9/2008 8:16:19 PM 80 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/We-Play-for-Buffet.aspx Ian Hunter, lost his spectacles. 4/10/2008 10:11:16 PM 81 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/Just-bear-with-me-I-am-eating-a-pine.aspx You all know I'm gonna bake a cake, gonna bake a cake, gonna bake a cake, gonna bake a cake, gonna bake a cake, gonna bake a cake, gonna bake a cake, gonna bake a cake, gonna bake a cake 4/25/2008 9:46:36 AM 82 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/Gecko-Skin-Monkey-Shoe-Shop.aspx Office? Office? Round here we calls it The Sweat Hole. 5/7/2008 3:39:56 PM 83 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/The-biggest-concern-being-death.aspx Morning. Afternoon. Evening. Mornoon. Evenafter. Inging. 5/14/2008 12:12:30 PM 84 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/Shuft-hole-monk-racer.aspx Boomerang Quartely, comes out four times a year. Quarterly Boomerang, comes back when Boomerang Quarterly comes out. Anti-matter Cat Flap Monthly. Have not worked that one out yet. 5/15/2008 11:44:10 AM 85 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/Ensure-the-otter.aspx Auuuuuuuld freeeeendssssa! Auuuuuuuld frennnnnns! Sat on a park beeeenge like buk enssss. 5/22/2008 12:48:49 PM 86 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/Jury-Pelvis.aspx What's the deal with Donald Trump? 6/12/2008 11:38:02 AM 87 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/Thunk-Envaginism.aspx Greedy little beetle, so many legs and no disco to go to. 6/16/2008 3:42:10 PM 88 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/Armando’s-pommel-horse.aspx Why this obsession with beets? 6/17/2008 2:52:59 PM 89 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/Low-humour-on-the-high-seas.aspx All aboard the Swinging Baboon. 6/18/2008 4:40:21 PM 90 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/Buzzing-of-a-B-Movie.aspx Burgers in advance. 7/22/2008 11:31:07 AM 91 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/They-have-ruined-Kerplunk.aspx I fight you for your rubber nipples. 7/24/2008 4:04:35 PM 92 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/Shuft-ho-spumey-neuter.aspx In a way we are all Guatemalan saints. 10/7/2008 10:15:58 AM 93 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/Fat-Cat-Bounce.aspx My knees came cash on delivery. 10/13/2008 11:30:19 AM 94 http://www.frictionlessman.co.uk/Less-than-half-the-time-more-than-half-the-time-all-the-time.aspx A handsaw? Round here, Danish, we call them Fishy Pokey Birds. 11/14/2008 12:50:07 PM 95